A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
