omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
