Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
