Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
