I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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