you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
