Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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