Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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