Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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