Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
