Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
