The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
