remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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