WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
