I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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