Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The adults are the big ones right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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