i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
