So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
