We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
