He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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