We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
