btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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