shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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