I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
