So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
FUCK WHALES
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
