So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
