so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
