suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
