I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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