sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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