I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
