4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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