im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
