he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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