I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
