You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
