"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
