I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
