she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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