nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
