no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
