Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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