Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
