its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
