Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
