Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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