hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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