Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
