she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
