So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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